Is asexuality sinful?

Marriam-Webster defines “asexuality” in several different ways. There is asexuality in the context of organisms that reproduce through cell division (among other processes), but that is not the definition we are talking about here. If you could reproduce by yourself, I think I would be the one asking questions.

The definition that I am using for this answer is definition 3b from the Marriam-Webster website:

“not having sexual feelings toward others : not experiencing sexual desire or attraction”

As a man in his twenties, I struggle to comprehend how anybody could go without any kind of sexual attraction, but I understand that there are many people that do not have the same feelings that I have. I cannot imagine how it must feel to not have the feelings that most people have. I hope to provide some comfort to Christians that are struggling with their lack of sexual attraction.

In order to support my position, I will be using one of my favorite passages about marriage: 1 Corinthians 7.

There are many verses in this chapter that could help one understand the Bible’s position on asexuality, but I think the most helpful verses for this discussion are verses 32 through 38:

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about the worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry-it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

I would encourage anybody who has been struggling with their lack of sexual attraction to study that passage. There are a few portions of said passage that really stand out to me:

1. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

The beginning of this verse explains the type of position Paul takes in 1 Corinthians. Paul is not telling people to remain single, but he is certainly advocating singleness. In the previous verses, Paul explains how, when we are married, our attention is divided between God and trying to please a spouse. When I first read this passage, I remember thinking, “Well, I understand how people could have their attention taken away from God, but I will keep this passage in mind, so that I can be a husband who is entirely devoted to the Lord.”  That type of thinking is prideful and rather silly. Yes, Paul was a man, but he was inspired by the Holy Spirit. The things he wrote were not like me writing answers to questions that people have asked me on the Internet, Paul was writing the Bible. I did not think I would struggle to focus on God if I was in a relationship with a woman, until I remembered that I was reading the Bible, and the Bible is inerrant. Forgive me for getting a little off-topic, but I wanted to address a thought that I am sure other people are thinking as they read the aforementioned passage. In short, Paul advocates for singleness, but he never says that we are commanded to remain single.

2. If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry-it is no sin.

Despite Paul encouraging people to remain single, he makes it clear that marriage is not a sin. Paul tells us that, if our passions are strong, we should get married. Verse 9 of 1 Corinthians 7 explains this concept better than I could ever explain it: But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry that to burn with passion.

Paul warns married couples that they should not “deprive one another”, except when they agree to abstain from sex, so that they may devote themselves to prayer [1 Corinthian 7:5]. Paul ends verse 5 by telling the married couple to “come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control”. In short, the devil will use our desires to tempt us. Therefore, if one desires a sexual relationship, he or she should get married, so that they can satisfy their desire in a way that honors the Lord, and protect themselves from the temptation that comes from the devil.

3. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

When I read this verse for the first time, I was really worried. I want to serve the Lord in everything that I do, with all that I am, but does that mean I should remain single? I prayed, and I did a lot of thinking, and I came to understand how the Bible encourages marriage for those who have the desire to be married. If you want to be married, get married. If you do not want to be married, remain single, and serve the Lord even more.

In conclusion, I think that the Bible is clear about the topic of asexuality. It is not a sin to be married, but it is better to remain single, so that one can devote himself entirely to serving the Lord. If, however, you experience sexual attraction, and you have a desire to be married to a member of the opposite sex, you should get married. If there is an opportunity for the devil to tempt you, you should seek to rid yourself of whatever provides the devil with said opportunity. If you do not have the desire to be married, you are to remain “as you were called”. Asexuality is not sinful, and the Bible encourages those who can remain single to do so.

One more thing that I must mention is that, if you do not feel any kind of sexual attraction, before you make a commitment to remain single, please see a doctor or a psychologist/psychiatrist. There may be an underlying mental condition, hormonal issue, or some other treatable cause for your lack of sexual interest in those of the opposite sex. I am not married, but I know many married couples who tell me how wonderful it is to be married to a person that they love. If you do not want to be married, do not seek to be married. However, I would encourage you to make sure that your lack of desire to be married comes from your heart, not from some issue in your mind or your body.